Monday, August 24, 2015

Everything Gonna Be Alright

This morning I logged on to a popular social media portal as I've been known to do, and someone had put a comment on a "news story" from a highly questionable website that read: I told you, we are nearing the end of days!! This person, among a few others in my social media circle, feel the current state of affairs in the world are indicative of a likely Armageddon or at least a seriously shit time ahead for all of us. However, I am here to put your fears to rest and provide solid evidence that the world is in fact just fine and that no panic or doomsday prep is necessary. So sit back, relax, slide a hand in your pants and take a looksee here why everything is going to be just fine...

1. You're probably nuts.

Yes, that may sound a little harsh and this comes from a guy who's sanity is questionable at best but I think deep down you know that it's true, right? Cooomee oooonnn, be honest. Aren't you one of those people that is always being corrected at work or on Facebook or in line at Costco or basically everywhere for saying outlandish fucked up shit? Don't you have numerous close friends pointing you to or Snopes™ to fact check your goofy posts? It's OK, we all make the mistake sometimes of sharing that story of the cactus that exploded with Scorpions or the Fox News link that apparently quoted Hannity saying he wishes torture and death for Hillary supporters, but one or two times is one thing buddy, but 10 times a week? Take a few deep breaths, log off the Internet and go pet a puppy and then don't come back until the voices stop.

2. Things were crazy worse before you were even born.

Every generation that follows the previous claims "The world is going to shit!" but logic dictates, with the formula Shut Up + No / Common Sense = Stoppit Dummy that this is absolutely not true. Do you realize there were people that thought the Automobile was "evil" and was certain to result in the destruction on Mankind? Sure it's not perfect but I'd much rather drive to the Casino rather than ride a Burro. The parents of kids in the 50s and 60s called Rock and Roll "the Devils music" and were positive their children would amount to nothing if they didn't stop listening. Some of the kids of that era started companies like Apple and Microsoft and others like Bill Clinton became President. Sure, he did sorta live out all those parents fears while leading the Country but the dude still got elected, right?? As the 60s moved into the 70s it was the Hippies many were afraid of but other than a little body odor, toking a little Ganja and roller skating half naked a lot, what harm did they really do? If we go back hundreds and thousands of years we can talk about horrific mechanisms of torture and death, violent attacks of rape and pillaging, unsanitary and inhabitable living conditions and life expectancies shorter than the average housefly. If this was 5000 years ago one of several hundred dudes in your 'hood could have crawled straight up into your crib, grabbed the giant turkey leg out of your mouth and beat you to death with it and then have taken your woman, and what were you gonna do? Smoke Signal 911? If anything, the world has gotten softer not harder folks.

3. The Government isn't going to take everything you have away.

For over 25 years I have been hearing that Uncle Sam is going to "try to take our guns away!" and despite tougher gun laws than there were then, every person I know that loves guns and doesn't have a felonious past has guns. Lots of them. The gun control laws are a little goofy because they can't do anything about the guns criminals obtain illegally but that doesn't mean there isn't a benefit to background checks and waiting periods. As for our Privacy being "stolen" and such, well, last time I checked pretty much everyone is putting every fucking thing they say or do on the Internet so what privacy are we so worried about protecting? Plus, as much as it annoys the ACLU, if I'm not breaking any laws or shooting videos of myself molesting Chipmunks then what am I so afraid of? The "Right to Privacy" is something we all expect yet there is so much of our lives that's out there for any schmo to see. I highly doubt Barrack Obama or the FBI wants to see me Whip and Nae Nae or have a "special moment" while on Youporn.

4. That God guy? Well, here's the thing...

OK so I'm an Atheist so obviously anything I hear beginning with "Well the Bible says..." is going to induce the same reaction as "So I was talking to Bigfoot and..." but I understand many of the faithful feel that God has a plan for them, and the world, and that they believe he may be coming back soon to rip us all a new ass for all of our sins. Listen, there's no question that the Earth houses a massive amount of Fucktards and a ton of terrible, violent and twisted people, but that's always been the case and "God" hasn't shown up to wipe them out in the 45 years I have been alive or even since the days Jesus was bopping around spreading good cheer about his old man. Why is that? Well, besides the fact he's the product of scared shitless humans with no access to science, knowledge or information of any kind about life, death or the planet they walked around on, if he did exist who's to say he wants to come back here? He might be busy starting up other planets with improved life forms vs. the ones he made here with bad attitudes, indignation, selfish tendencies and chronic flatulence. If there happens to be a God I am certain it's not one of the hundreds plus of previously established ones created by man nor is he waiting around to come back to set us all ablaze and take back 144,000 to the Pearly Gates. Especially not the Kardashians or Jared from Subway, obviously. There are a multitude of wonderful, benevolent and selfless people on this planet and as much as Religion (in my opinion) has served to harm this planet in it's different variations and offshoots, decent, moral and good people exist in the secular and religious world alike. We can all find a way to co exist, and one of the best ways is to not tell those without belief that your God is coming back to set us all on fire soon. Unless you have a video, Snapchat, email or text from the big guy that proves this is on the horizon, please put a sock in it. 

5. The Media is convincing you the World stinks. Log off once in awhile and go climb a tree.

If you watch Cable news, incessantly scroll through Facebook and Twitter or visit political/news themed blogs a lot you're very likely 94% certain that the world is going to either explode by next week or all of it's citizens are going to murder each other by Halloween. We are constantly bombarded with negative imagery, dialogue and statistics by these mediums that if we stay plugged in too long there's no question all sense of optimism is going to leave us like a pocket of gas after 7 Chimmichangas. The truth is though that in the majority of ways it really counts the world is actually getting better. Cracked, one of the most popular Blogs in the world, just posted a story with a similar theme as this post, listing statistics refuting a lot of the "Doomsdayer" fears, including: That school violence and shootings are actually down and safer than they've ever been, teen smoking/drinking numbers are at lowest they've been since they started counting, and that even with more distractions in a car than ever, automobile fatalities in this country are actually lower than they were in 1950! Yes, Cracked publishes a lot of humor based and oddities but each one of these factoids are sourced from legit entities and can be independently verified from other sources as well. Instead of spoil the whole piece, which is linked below and worth checking out, I'll let you read it and hopefully in will instill some level of peace vs. what you've been forced fed to believe is happening to our world. I spent the day outside yesterday in the woods and saw a Black bear 5 minutes into my walk. It was breathtaking, scary, and beautiful all at once and served to further make me appreciate this incredible planet and all that makes it a paradise.

The planet has "issues", just like all of its inhabitants. We need to consider how we can live a little more efficiently, cleaner and how we might bridge gaps between different cultures and belief systems. We need to humble ourselves enough so that we can empathize with those that have less, by no fault of their own, and facilitate the means to allow everyone a shot at the Utopian world that's available to all. It's a lofty goal, and maybe unrealistic but at one point so was Space Travel and curing Polio. The world right now is like so many of our own families-embroiled in drama, infighting, anger, sometimes violence, suffering and serious differences in opinion, but it's still ours. How many times have those closest to us made us bat shit crazy with something they've said or done only to redeem themselves moments later with a selfless act, apology or simply by continuing to be who they are and our memory brings us back to why we love them so? 

This country is our family and Earth is our home. It's messy and fucked up but I love it, and so do you, so stop bitching, stop worrying and just do something constructive today, something positive tomorrow and take solace in those things that make life great instead of fixate on those that don't. There will always be suffering, hardship and deplorable human behavior, and it will always be upsetting, but instead of amplify it with complaint and ridicule, why not deaden it with positive action? I have no hippie mantra to offer, nor am I a Falafel eating, delusional wing nut that thinks holding hands and signing songs can cure all the worlds ills, but I do know that it feels better to focus on those things that I can change vs. dwelling on those I can't. 

Leave your phone on the table and go outside and look for a butterfly or build a fort or do a cartwheel in a park somewhere. You'll be happy you did, and the world will still be here waiting when you're done.


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